Episode 1: How To Figure Out Your Ideal Weight?
[TRANSCRIPTION WITH SOME EDITS. PLEASE FORGIVE ANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.]
When we talk about weight loss, the goal is often to find & get to your “Ideal Weight”. But what exactly does that mean? And how do you find it?
This is so important because so many women struggle with this and there is often a lot of confusion and shame around finding (& getting to) that number.
I tend to see two different types of women that come to me for consults or coaching. The first type of woman is not at her ideal weight & she’s aware of that. Perhaps she’s recently put on some weight or it’s something she’s struggled with her whole life. She is not feeling her best, perhaps she is even experiencing some health complications because of it. She’s often stuck in a cycle of emotional overeating, she doesn’t like her relationship with food, and she feels uncomfortable in her own skin. However, deep down she really struggles with the belief that weight loss and better health is possible for her.
Maybe she’s tried other diets and they haven't worked and so she’s left with a feeling of, “I don't think it's possible for me”. Often these women will “back up” their goals, meaning they will give me a goal number much higher than they really want because they don’t believe they can achieve their desired weight . For example, I’ll say “tell me your goal”. They will often respond with something like “Well, I mean I would love to lose XXX (and they'll give me a number)” but then say “but I know that's not possible so I would just be happy with XXX (a smaller number)”.
So a big part of what I work with this women like this on is understanding what is actually possible for them and ultimately working on that belief.
The second type of woman is already at her ideal weight but she doesn’t know it. She’s consumed with worry or concern about doing it right, doing enough and finding peace. She might be focused on a little bit of fat here or there, or the fact that she doesn’t have a six pack or whatever it is that she believes is the perfect body.
Neither type of woman is at peace. Neither feels she is at her ideal weight.
So, how do we define your “ideal weight’?
I really love this definition. “Your best weight is whatever weight you reach when you are living the healthiest life that you can honestly enjoy.” (Freedhoff Y, Sharma A. Best Weight. Canadian Obesity Network, 2010.)
I think this is everything. In fact, one of the biggest takeaways I want to give you is that ultimately your ideal weight is something that you get to decide.
It’s not something that you have to take on from somebody else. It's not something that you have to take on from society. You really get to decide what it is for you. And that's everything.
But we want to look at finding the sweet spot where you are finding joy in the moment, but you're also able to find joy in the long term. For some people when they hear this, a life that they can honestly enjoy means losing weight.
For others when they think about weight loss it seems miserable. They think: “I don't enjoy my life when I'm having to diet or do a workout plan.”
Now, some of this comes down to our thoughts and our past experiences. We often feel like we have to choose between being thin or having an enjoyable life. Between having fun or being virtuous.
But, it’s possible to have both. Often we simply have to change our thoughts about what healthy means. For some, as mentioned, that will mean losing weight. For others it might mean changing their thoughts about their body.
And so again, what you get to decide is what does that look like for you over the long term.
Here’s the key thought, we really want to be sure and make this decision from our prefrontal Cortex, meaning that we're looking at the big picture. (This is the more evolved, “adult” brain that helps with planning & delay of gratification.)
For some people a more structured program is what's going to bring them joy. For others, they're going to need a little bit more leeway in there. That’s very specific to the individual person. Again, it's something that you get to decide based on what you want your life to look like, both in the short term and the long-term.
For example, I see some women who feel like they have a lot of things that are bringing them pleasure in the moment, but it's costing them long-term. They are enjoying all the foods without restriction but then experiencing net negative consequences such as weight gain or health issues.
Other women are being so rigid in the moment that they're not enjoying their life. They believe their joy is in a future moment that they think they're going to get too, which they actually never can get to. But they never get there because it’s never good enough.
Another example, perhaps you’ve heard that if you want to lose weight you should reduce or eliminate sugar. But how that actually plays out for you is your decision. I have some clients that just want to cut it out completely. That is actually the easiest thing for me. Whereas others very much want to make sure that they are including sugar in their protocol, but in a very purposeful way.
So again, your best weight is whatever weight you reach when you're living the healthiest life that you can honestly enjoy.
Skinny does not necessarily equal happy. I've seen this time and time again. There's a lot of miserable skinny people.
That being said, let's talk about some measures that you can use that will give you some data to help you figure out if you're in the right place in terms of body weight.
Obviously we have the scale, but beyond that, what are some other measures?
Perhaps you’ve heard of a BMI scale. BMI is basically just a height and weight chart that is the same for basically every adult, whether you are male or female. It does not take into consideration things like muscle mass or bone density. So this is why BMI to me is the one that I'm least interested in for my clients
However, another measure that gives a more accurate picture is body fat percentage.
Body fat percentage is literally the amount of fat you actually have on your body (fun, huh?). Now that being said, it’s important to note that most body fat percentage test are giving you an estimate. Unless you use something called a DXA machine (which are really expensive and hard to come by) there is going to be some margin of error.
For estimating body fat percentage, there are a couple of different tests that you can use. There are some charts such as this one that allow you to estimate body fat percentage using circumference measurements.
If you are a member of a gym trainers will oftentimes do something called a Skinfold Caliper test where they pinch the fat from your body and measure it and they give you an estimate of your body fat percentage.
What's really important to keep in mind with body fat percentage is that you use it as a baseline and you always know that it's just an estimation.
Again, unless you're using really fancy machines to figure out body fat percentage, it's not going to be 100% accurate. It could even be up to 10% off depending on who's doing it. If you do this with a trainer make sure you get someone who has a lot of experience.
One of the things I see with a lot of people is they put a lot of pressure on themselves to be and to look a certain way and there's this idea that there is a perfect diet or the perfect workout plan and they just haven’t found it yet but when they do they will finally have the solution for creating this dream body.
I really like this graphic from precision nutrition. (Full article here.)
What is the cost of getting lean, is it really worth the trade off? Often what we think it's going to take and what it actually takes are very, very different.
It’s also helpful to know what are you willing to sacrifice to get there.
This is helpful because it can take away a lot of the shame around this idea that that you are doing something wrong or that if you just got your “act together” you’d have the perfect body.
If we look at body fat percentage for women, ideally we want to be 30% or less. Anything above that is where we want to look at making some changes.
Thankfully, it’s a very easy transition and a fairly easy place for most women to get to and maintain the 25% to 30% range.
Some simple things that we can do include eat slowly, stop at about 60 - 80% full, focus on balancing out our macro nutrients and then exercising three to five times per week (which could be walking, it could be yoga, it could be anything). This is a very doable and a really healthy place to be. But as you can see from the infographic she still has a little bit of fat on her body. Totally fine. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong.
If we go down a bit more now we can see it dropping down to 23% to 25% or 20% to 22%. In this range we are more lean, a bit more muscle is showing but we are also going to have to be a good bit more restricted.
So this is where you want to be really clear about what you are willing to trade off and what sacrifices you are willing to make. You want to make sure you are balancing joy in the moment with long-term joy. This is still healthy, it’s just a matter of the trade-offs you want to make.
For example, as you can see, less desserts & less drinking alcohol.
If we keep going we eventually enter into an unhealthy zone again. For women most women this is when we get below 16%. Sometimes this can happen for women that are training for a specific event such as a figure competition, but this is not the standard we should hold ourselves to by any means.
The whole point here is there's a big spectrum of what is healthy and you get to decide what you’re willing to do to get to a certain point. And it’s okay if you don’t want to make certain sacrifices. Just know it’s a choice either way.
Where on that spectrum are you going to be physically healthy but also going to enjoy your life?
Also, there are times when you might move on that spectrum depending on what's going on. For example, in more stressful times you might allow yourself to move up the spectrum a little bit and then during more relaxed times you might move down the spectrum a little bit. Either way, there is a big range of what is considered healthy.
Here are some other things that you can use to measure healthy besides just the scale.
Energy levels
How well you're sleeping
Overall how good you feel
And then of course, your mindset.
Perhaps you're doing all the right things, but it's being fueled by a feeling of not good enough or frustration.
If this is the case the actions & results aren’t going to lead to a long-term feeling of enjoyment of your life.
You can do the exact same things being fueled from an emotion of excitement and motivation and joy, and it's going to be so much more sustainable long-term.
You really want to look at what is fueling your actions, what is fueling you towards the goal of whatever your healthy weight is.
We're balancing out joy in the moment and long-term enjoyment, and finding that sweet spot that's gonna work for you.
The big takeaways with this is: Your ideal weight is something that you get to determine.
Nobody else, not society, not the magazines. Not your age, your metabolism or the fact that you’ve had kids.
You get to decide for yourself what that looks like and then you just go through and decide what are the things that I'm willing to do.
Don’t back your goal up because you don’t think it’s possible for you to be at YOUR ideal weight. Don’t sacrifice your short-term joy for your long-term or vice versa. It’s about finding that healthy balance that will work for you.