When “Moderation” and “Balance” Don’t Work
I am an emotional eating coach for women.
Most of the women who come to me feel stuck in a cycle of emotional eating and weight gain.
They have identified as not being at their ideal weight.
Now, I think it’s important to pause here and note that as women, we get to decide what that means for us. You should never feel pressured to lose weight or to live up to some societal standard of “ideal weight”.
That said, I also I believe we each know deep down when we are showing up for ourselves & living our healthiest, fullest life. This means physically, yes, but also mentally, emotionally, relationally & even spiritually (again, this has different meanings for different people so you get to decide what that means to you).
It is all connected and often the physical is just a manifestation of something else going on. It’s not the weight itself but what that weight represents.
In the case of women I work with, it could be that they’ve taken care of others for so long that they have forgot how to take care of themselves. Maybe they feel guilty or unworthy of self-care. Perhaps they are pleasing others and using food to cope, sometimes without even being aware.
Often, they describe being stuck in a cycle that doesn’t feel good to them. Their relationship with food is not what they want it to be but they aren’t sure how to change that. They feel as if they are acting against their own will but feel powerless to do anything about it.
Sometimes they don’t believe it’s even possible for them. They’ve all but given up on themselves and will say things like “I guess I should just accept myself as I am”. Now, while self-acceptance is ALWAYS a good thing & should be at the foundation of any weight loss plan, in this case it’s not real self-acceptance. It’s something they are using against themselves in an attempt to feel better because they don’t know what else to do. (I don’t blame them!)
Some women, on the other hand, think they know exactly what to do but the irony is that it’s the solution that is stopping them from getting results. The “solution” is a strict diet, hours at the gym, deprivation, lack of fun & having to become “that person” (you know, the one that talks about their diet all the time, how they NEVER eat _______ (fill in the blank) because it’s so evil and will kill you & how you are a terrible person if you do…yada yada… yeah, that one).
These women are trying to be “good”. They are starting the diet, stopping the thing, becoming the “good girl” but it’s all with a lack of joy. It feels like they are having to choose between being virtuous or fun; between enjoying their life or being at their ideal weight. It’s a lose-lose situation and a terrible choice to have to make.
For this reason, they ping-pong back and forth between the strict diet & the total indulgence. They do one until it feels so bad they can’t continue and then they swing the pendulum to the other extreme & the cycle continues.
My mission is to show women a third option. An option that allows you to have both; to feel healthy & strong & be at your ideal weight but to also enjoy your life and experience joy.
This goes beyond just “all things in moderation” and “it’s about finding a balance that works for you”. Those things sound nice but I’ve seen from experience they don’t often work, at least not initially. They are the end goal for sure but for women stuck in this cycle they aren’t always a helpful starting point.
Here’s why.
Imagine someone you love like your daughter, sister or best friend being is in an unhealthy relationship. Imagine they are with someone who treats them terribly, verbally abuses them, cheats on them & makes them feel awful about themselves.
They come to you for help, tell you how miserable they are but how powerless & scared they feel to walk away from the relationship. They don’t want this but they aren’t sure if there is anything better.
Would you look at this person you love so much, who is hurting so bad and say “Yeah, sounds awful but I don’t think you’re strong enough to break up with them. It will be too hard & I don’t think you can do it. Hey, at least you have someone. Just see them in moderation, a few times a week. That will solve the problem.”
Definitely not, right? Instead you would tell her that she deserves so much better. That there is someone out there who will treat her like the amazing person she is. That there is someone who will say loving things to her and care about her needs and build her up instead of tearing her down. You would tell her that she is strong enough to walk away and go after what she really wants.
This is the same thing a good coach will do. My job is to remind you how amazing you are. How you deserve to have the best life. How you do not have to settle for something that doesn’t feel good to you. It’s to remind you that you are strong enough to walk away from the abuse. To show you that there is something so much better.
You might be thinking that the partner in this analogy represents the “bad” foods or overeating or lack of exercise but it’s not. It’s you. It’s your own thinking. It’s your own negative self-talk.
That is what is creating the results in your life and that is what I show you how to change. Once you do that the rest becomes easy. They healthy eating doesn’t feel like deprivation, the exercise doesn’t feel like a chore & being at your ideal weight seems more than possible, it becomes inevitable.
What I really want, where my real passion lies, is to help women learn how to solve this problem for themselves so that they can be free of it once and for all, so they can stop worrying about their body, their health, their diet, every morsel of food that goes into their mouth and instead put their time, thoughts & energy into things that really matter to them.
Because women are magnificent and we have important things to do in this world.
It’s time to take back our power from food, from the diet industry, from societies standards of beauty and even from our own brains and put it where it belongs. And that, my beautiful friend, is completely your choice.